The Three Beats of Life, Art, and Parody
by Lady Lye
Summary: My first peice de resistance. I'm fighting back against what seems to be the pervading theme around here. Go ahead and flame me, I DARE you!! *laughs maniacally* Ok so maybe I'm not entirely sane. It's twenty to 2a.m. So sue me.


Okee, that's it, I'm pissed. I am here now to mock almost the entire GW/SM crossover section (or what I've seen of it). Correct me if I am grievously wrong here, but I hope not to offend TOO many people. At least I'm not flaming YOU in a review of your fic that, well, follows the plot structure, thus pissing you off for mo reason and destroying my credibility.   
  
What am I so upset about? It's this whole cookie-cutter fic thing that seems to be going on here. You know what I'm talking about. The Inners and Mamo treat Usagi like crap so she skips out to the G-Boys dimension (or whever they happen to be) and falls in love with at least one of them, despite the pleadings of the Inners and oh, gee, the Outers are her only friends, and Relena's a bitch. Pardon my dust, but it's getting up MY butt.   
  
Flames will most likely make their way to the "G-Boys answer my mail" section of my website where they will be used to burn old essays and crappy romance novels.  
  
Who knows? Maybe someone will like it. Oh horrors! Maybe someone will even- shock- ask me to CONTINUE it! Gawd- it could even- become a legitimate story! o_O Ooh, hey that would be fun! Ok for those who've complained of my short chapters- here are three in a row of varying lengths. Enjoy, I suppose.   
  
Lady Lye.  
Breaking the rules, a slew at a time.   
  
  
  
The Three Beats of Life, Art and Parody  
  
By Lady Lye (fed-up as she is)  
  
Chp 1: Betrayal! DUN NUH NUH! *strikes an overly dramatic pose*  
  
  
  
  
Usagi strolled aimlessly down the street towards Mamoru's apartment, not really paying attention to anything around her. She was tried to tell herself again that she was NOT as ditzy as presumed and was actually a deep, intelligent, and rather cruel-hearted creature capable of ditching her friends at the drop of a hat. It was thus not so surprising when she walked into his apartment and straight to the kitchen without noticing that anything was wrong.   
  
"Hi, Mamo-chan! I bought the groceries you wanted, I thought maybe tonight or tomorrow we could make dinner together and rent a movie-" she froze, eyes alighting on something.   
  
There, on the couch, was perhaps the grossest thing imaginable. Her Mamo-chan lay on the couch, surrounded by the four inner senshi, all completely naked and obviously involved in something very- er- intimate.   
  
She took a step back, trembling. "Nani?" she whispered.  
  
"Usako-" Mamoru tried to sit up.  
  
"No! No, don't call me that!" she cried hysterically.   
  
"Usagi-" Raye struggled to disentangle herself.  
  
"No! Shut up! I don't want to hear it anymore!" she covered her ears and squeezed her eyes shut, but still the image had seared it's way into her brain. When she opened them again, her crystal blue orbs swam with tears. (AN: people describing eyes as 'orbs' also gets to me for some reason. I don't know why. It just does.) "Y- You've all BETRAYED me, that's what you've done!"  
  
"Well geez, Usa, it's not like you didn't know it was going on!" Lita exclaimed.   
  
Minako started ticking things off on her fingers. "Firstly, you and Mamo havn't been dating in months," she started, drawing a pout from Usagi. "Secondly, we ALL asked you how you would feel if it we dated him and you said you were ok with it, remember? There've also been LOTS of 'calls' and 'meetings' and 'abscences' all over the place which are like the biggest signs EVER. You can't say you weren't warned, Usagi."  
  
"Still," she continued to pout, knowing the DID sort of have a point. "It's- well it's just plain MEAN."  
  
"How did you get inside my apartment?" Mamoru asked suspiciously.  
  
"Uhhh… That's not the point!" she quickly felt her pocket to be sure that the skeleton key to all of Mamo's stuff was deep in her pocket on it's safety chain. Honestly- and people say RELENA is a stalker? "What next, huh? I suppose you've got the cats in this too-"  
  
"Uh, hello," Luna and Artemis popped their heads up next to Ami, all three of whom were blushing.  
  
Usagi stared and started spluttering. "And I bet Andy and my brother are making out in the back room, too, huh!?"  
  
"Uhhh…" the group exchanged glances.   
  
"AAAAH!" Usagi screamed, tears returning to her eyes. "That's it- I don't need this kind of abuse anymore! I'm sick of you all being mean to me and calling me names and hitting me and-"  
  
"Usagi what are you talking about?" Raye frowned. "It's been years since we called you 'meatball-head' or ditz."  
  
"Usa-chan you're one of the most respected people we know!" Ami exclaimed.   
  
"I've never hit you!" Mamoru exclaimed defensively.   
  
"No- you're all lying!" she cried overdramatically. "I'm leaving- I'm going far, far away and none of you can stop me!" she ran out, slamming the door behind her.  
  
"Well there goes our human art sculpture for extra credit, huh, gang?"  
  
  
  
  
The Three Beats of Life, Art and Parody  
  
By Lady Lye (fed-up as she is)  
  
Chp 2: The Journey *Twilight Zone Music Begins to Play*  
  
  
  
  
Usagi ran into the elevator, smashing her fist into the buttons as she cried harshly, not really caring right now where it took her. "How could they?" she wept.   
  
Dark purple light gathered around the door and it opened again, frightening Usagi who was 100% positive that the thing was still moving. "Who are you!?"  
  
"It's me, Queen," Sailor Pluto emerged, the doors closing behind her. "They did it again, huh?"  
  
"Yes! Oh Pluto, I just want to die! They- they've betrayed me!" Usagi flung herself at Setsuna, bawling her eyes out all over her clean white uniform.   
  
Setsuna sweatdropped. "Uhh…"  
  
"You and the Outers are my only friends!" she continued to cry.  
  
Setsuna looked at her oddly. They were? Um, Hotaru was barely a few months old, Haruka and Michiru were never around because they were always going at it like rabbits and Setsuna herself was usually away guarding the Gate of Time. When had they become best friends!? "My Lady," she said gently, putting a finger under Usagi's chin, making her look her in the eye. "I believe you've been misinformed. Why not go back and talk to them?"  
  
"No! I'm sick of hanging out with them! They're boring!" the former Moon Princess cried. "Give me that-!" she grabbed Setsuna's Time Staff. "TAKE ME ANYWHERE BUT HERE!"   
  
Lights flashed and colors swirled. In an instant, Usagi found herself with a pounding headache and she could barely see from the spots in her eyes. "Owie… Where am I now?"  
  
"Uhhhh… Who are you?"  
  
"And more importantly- why are you in our bedroom?"   
  
Usagi suddenly realized that those semi hard, semi-soft things beneath her were people. She looked down and screamed.   
  
  
  
  
The Three Beats of Life, Art and Parody  
  
By Lady Lye (fed-up as she is)  
  
Chp 3: A new life? *derisive snort* Not ruddy likely!  
  
  
  
  
"Uhhhh… Who are you?"  
  
"And more importantly- why are you in our bedroom?"   
  
Usagi suddenly realized that those semi hard, semi-soft things beneath her were people. She looked down and screamed.   
  
The scream was returned by the five bedmates around her. She screamed back again. They screamed back at her. She screamed again. They screamed back. She screamed agai-  
  
"Ok, that's enough," a sweaty hand clamped itself over her mouth.   
  
She stared in fear into large indigo eyes that obviously usually held a twinkle of mischief, but were not certainly not amused.   
  
He looked around him at his companions. "Anybody invite a girl here?"  
  
"EW, what's WRONG with you, Maxwell?"  
  
"That's just gross, Duo."  
  
"I think I'm going to be ill…"  
  
"It's alright, little one, I'll hold you…"  
  
Usagi suddenly realized that she landed in the middle of an all male five-way. She opened her mouth to scream again but the hand was still there and it only clamped down harder.  
  
"Uh-uh-uh, pretty lady! No more screaming, huh?" his eyes twinkled now, but with malice, not joy.   
  
"Hey!" another boy sat up behind him and wrapped his arms around the boy defensively, glaring at Usagi and making her shrink back. "Duo is MINE."  
  
"Aw, Hee-kun…"  
  
"D-kun…"  
  
They started to kiss. Usagi thought she would gag. So did someone else it seemed.  
  
"Oi! Maxwell! Yuy! Bakas! Stop that!" A boy with black hair, black, tilted eyes and pale skin shouted angrily. "I thought we agreed- no individual pairs!"  
  
"Oh, screw you, Wufei," a blond behind Usagi said. A pair of lanky arms wrapped around the blond, pulling him down to be showered in kisses by another boy with fairly unusual hair.   
  
"ARGH!" Wufei growled and yanked himself off the bed, stark naked of course. "Screw you all!" he started to stalk out of the bedroom.  
  
"Oi, take her with you-" one of them gave Usagi's butt a harsh kick, launching her off the bed and onto the harder floor.  
  
"ITAI!"  
  
"Yeah we don't have any interest in girls."  
  
"FINE," Wufei glared down at her as she rubbed her poor posterior. "Get up, onna."   
  
Agonizingly, she did so. A moan from the bed behind her made her quicken her pace and she sped out after him. "Um, can I ask you- who are you all?" she questioned.   
  
"I," he said, turning to face her- er- ok, she was staring now, having never seen a guy so boldly bare before her. "am Chang Wufei."  
  
"Oh." Gee, well that only explained NOTHING. "Um, I'm Tsukino Usagi," she replied, pasting a smile on her face and extending her hand to him. He glared at it disdainfully.   
  
"Am I supposed to be impressed, woman?"  
  
"Well I AM the frigging Moon Princess and Sailor Moon to boot!" she exclaimed, hands on hips.   
  
He gave her an odd look then leaned over to look out the window. Usagi realized it was night here. "Yup. Just as I thought. Full moon. The loonies are out. You're probably one of Maxwell's friends. Come on, I suppose you can stay here for a little while." He lead her down the hallway, still not fazed by his nakedness at all. (AN: Am I pushing this whole 'he's naked' thing or what? Yeah, that would just be me having fun imaging a stark naked Wuffie wandering around the Winner mansion. ^______^ Ooh and the alliteration… I've been using a LOT of alliteration… All part of the crappy story writing bit, believe me.)  
  
Usagi had not choice but to follow, seeing as she lacked a natural assertiveness except for those rare times when she slipped into 'Queen' mode. She thanked him when they reached what was apparently to be her room but received only a disdainful 'hn' in response. "Well gee," she muttered, closing the door behind her. If it was night, she'd better get some rest. "what's up HIS butt?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
WHAHAHAHA! Am I insane, crazy and deranged or WHAT!? hai, I am! And I've probably offended so many people it's not funny! Wether you liked it or not, I'm gonna keep going tho. Mebe I can wrack up the most flame reveiws ever. Be warned- there is a VERY good chance that they will end up on my site.   
  
Ooh, and guess what!? It's also my first shonen ai!! *cackles* Who knew? For shonen lovers don't worry- Usa's a lil prudey now but I am NOT. TRUST ME it won't stay that way. We'll find a way to get her mind to open up.  
  
So hey, I dare you! R&R!  
  
~Lady 


End file.
